For all who are living through a dark night of the soul

or who think there is no hope

or that there is hope but it seems a long time in coming

who are tired

who are depressed

This is for you

All those hours of research

the special menus

the reading of blogs such as this one

the cajoling

the patience

the learning of new skills (and that’s just you)

the finding yourself in a club to which you didn’t apply

it’s worth it

We all know that fully embracing what it means to be a special needs parent can help us grow.  We discover new ways of seeing the world.  We learn to be more tolerant of difference.  We stretch and learn and do things we never knew we were capable of.  And sometimes that’s enough.  We accept our children as they are and we love them and that is enough.

And then they grow!

not upwards or outwards but internally, learning those skills which are so hard won

the conversations of more than one loop

the catching of a ball

a dry night

a test passed

“I love you”

And then they grow some more…

This morning, my girl, my big 18 year old girl, invited me and her step-dad to a magic show. She has been to see three circuses this summer, so she was full of inspiration.  She won a colourful baton at the fair so she had her prop.  She has been asking all sorts of  “is this real or pretend” questions, these past few weeks, so I knew her mind is whirring…

But this surprised me

Her magic show comprised her singing and dancing and twirling…moving her baton in a cross-patterning way through and around and across in a way I have spent hours practising with her but never seen her spontaneously do.  She threw herself on the floor and used my elliptical trainer to get herself high.  She used her whole body all around her.  She matched her movements to the song, from Pocahontas to the Blue Danube. She curtsied and bowed to the whole audience all around her, real and pretend. She brought it all together in a neuro-surge of growth and she loved it.

And so did we.

So I am celebrating

all those times I wondered if it was worth it but carried on anyway

all that money I still have on my credit card

all the education that seemed wacky and worked

or seemed sensible and didn’t

all that playing

all that pretend

and all those jigsaws

even the jigsaw we are doing today

it was worth it

it is worth it

and everything you are doing is worth it too